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Saturday, February 8, 2014

The Big D

I have a heavy heart tonight. I can't quite put into words how I'm feeling, and I'm conflicted about my emotions. Parker sets out for his first deployment {his "big D"} tomorrow. The reason I'm so conflicted about this is that I sit here with tears in my eyes and I'm not sure why exactly. I haven't seen him since October. I usually only see him once or twice a year now that I'm married to the Marine Corps and he's in the Navy. We don't talk on the phone every day, or every week even.

I'm heart broken for Sara. They've been married for 4 months. They've only lived together for 3 months. And he's leaving for however long. Part of me keeps reminding myself that their whole engagement was spent apart. He was in Chicago, Pensacola, and now Virginia Beach throughout their engagement. But it is different. He's going to be gone for months now with spotty internet and very little communication. If anyone can do it, it's them. It doesn't make it any better though.

Lane's cousin is also going to deploy soon. He's going to be gone on Parker's ship actually. It's kind of neat, but it's just that much harder. There are going to be a lot of people that we know floating around on the ship - in the same place at the same time. Three of our friends from flight school will be on Parker's ship too. There's just too much going on all at once!

We also got news today that some of our best friends will be starting their deployment in just 3 weeks. They knew it was coming, but they thought they were going to have another month to enjoy him being home. In the whole scheme of things…it isn't that much sooner. It just sucks. They have a new baby at home. And 2 other kids…who will "get it" that Daddy's gone.

Basically, tonight, I've come to the conclusion that the Big D isn't easy. There's always a reason that it sucks. There's always something that makes it worse.

A new baby
Newlyweds
Pregnant, he'll miss the whole pregnancy
Pregnant, he'll miss the birth of his baby
Just had a baby
The kids understand
No kids - you're alone
You have to move in a few months
Missing birthdays
Missing anniversaries
Missing Christmas
Gone for the summer {you have to shave your legs even when you don't have to!}
Missing milestones for the kids
 *riding a bike
 *swimming
 *first steps
 *new teeth
 *first words
 *starting school
 *first loose tooth
 *graduation
 *first dance class

You name it…it sucks. You can be surrounded by the best friends, the best support groups out there. It sucks. Yes, you make the best out of every little thing. You video every small thing the kids do and say so that you don't forget to tell him. But it sucks. You "signed up for this" and you "knew what you were getting into" and you "take it with a grain of salt," but it sucks. You don't pity yourself and you are proud of your spouse {or son, daughter, wife, sister, brother, friend, cousin} but at the same time you're counting down the days until you get to hug your loved one again.

Deployments suck…Here's to all of the families and friends who endure them together! We keep each other strong in moments of weakness.

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