Wait, What?!

No paci?! I'm sitting here on the couch holding my breath. Eden went to bed tonight without her paci. She got her bath {like normal} and then we went into her room to get dressed and ready for bed {this is when she usually starts asking for her "papi"}. She did ask for her paci once or twice, but we put lotion on and because she got to help put it on her tummy and arms, she was distracted and didn't seem to notice that I didn't give her the paci. After lotion, a diaper, and pjs it was time to sit in the rocking chair and say our prayer, turn on the music, rock, and then get in bed. Before we said her prayers she started looking for her paci and she asked for it. This time I told her that we were going to say our prayers first and then get the paci {it seemed to work for the time being}. After our rocking chair routine it was time for the crib...the true test! I got my hugs and kisses and then put her in her crib for night night. She rolled over and I thought I was in the clear! Nope, she rolled onto her back and said "papi?" just once and I kissed her again, said I'd see her in the morning and left the room. She cried a few times, but never longer than 30 seconds, and she was sleeping within 20 minutes {which is pretty normal for her anyways}.

So here I sit, an hour later, and I'm still holding my breath. I can't seem to breathe about it yet for many reasons. 1, is she going to wake up and want it? 2, did I really just get rid of the paci before a move half way across the country? 3, did I just give up one last piece of baby-hood for her? 4, is it ok with Lane that I got rid of it so soon?

I'm not going to lie, question number 3 almost has me in tears right now. I almost want to go put it in her crib so she can just have it because its one of the few things that ties her to still being my baby. I'm not sure I'm ready for her to grow up, even if it is just one step at a time. I want her to be my little baby forever!

Question number 2, however, is what made me stop my descent from upstairs when I was only half way down. I could kick myself for taking it right before our move! I mean, if she makes it through the night, there's no reason to give it back. If I don't give it back then she's going to have to endure an entire 24 hour drive {over the course of a few days} without her "papi" and I don't know that I want to endure that car ride! The trip won't be for at least another 2 weeks {probably} so if I follow through, it will be her normal to be without her paci...right? I hope so!!!

Questions 1 and 4 don't have me so worried like 3 and 2 do. I mean, I guess if she wakes up and wants it I'll just have to play it by ear. Chances are I'm not going to want to trek upstairs in the middle of the night {though I've done it many times before} once I've gone to bed. And let's face it, Lane isn't going to be mad that I got rid of it. If anything I think he'll have a lot of the same emotions about it like I do {without showing them of course!} and there might even be a sense of relief that he didn't have to be here when we got rid of it!

That is, if we've gotten rid of it. Even if she's ready, I don't know that I am...I need strength! I've already promised that when we work on self soothing and crying it out with Baby#2 that I'm going to take the paci then. If we're dealing with crying already and {s}he won't know what's going on, then that's when it's going to happen! Easier on everyone involved...I hope.